Childhood realized?

Living childhood dreams ... when you are a child, everything seems so possible. You want to be a doctor or a vet. Girls want to be the first female president (and I guess, now, they still have a chance!). Maybe a child wants to go to space and be an astronaut ...

When I was a little girl I wanted to be a teacher - no joke. I wanted to go to Harvard and get a college degree and teach. I also wanted to be a veternarian. However, I quickly realized that not all animals live forever and sometimes you even have to make the tough choice to end a life - I could never do that. I never really fantasized about being President, which is probably a good thing for this country! Now, here I am teaching. So with one childhood dream career realized, I should be happy and proud. I am. Sometimes, however I wonder what other dreams I had ... heck, I can barely remember yesterday!

I was always ready to get out of Illinois. I did that! So I guess that would be TWO childhood dreams realized.

I had friends growing up (shocker!) and I do remember some of their dreams ... One wanted to go on SNL. This same friend wanted to be part of the WNBA (and you know who you are!). Another friend practiced playing mom a lot and wanted to have a family and work with children. One of my friends wanted to be a pro-golfer (he could have done that ... maybe he still will).

I do remember that I always wanted to sing ... I wanted to be on stage and perform. BUT. If you have heard me sing or, should I say 'attempt' to sing, then you know that will probably not be a realized dream. I have to thank Playstation for giving me the chance, however, to pretend I can sing with games like American Idol (where, thank you Simon, I became America's next American Idol!).

I also wanted to be a model - but with my parents genes - modeling was going to be a bit of a tough dream (I'm only 5'2" if you don't know me). I did get the chance to apply to modeling school in 1999 as a freshman in high school. We went to Chicago and there we learned it costs most people to even try to begin a modeling career ... so that was the closest I ever got! (Unless you count my modeling shoots with Clark in college in which I was published in a local newspaper!)

Writing was and continues to be a favorite of mine ... I wanted to be writer in my sophomore and junior years of high school. Had I went to a different college, that may have been my major - but I went to UofI and did not take that road. I did have a short stint writing for local newspapers around Champaign - but it was sports writing with little or no creativity behind it.

Photography is a hobby and I would love to see what I could do with it. I guess, a dream of mine would be to be a famous celebrity photographer! I have always enjoyed America's Next Top Model ... but not for the modeling or "reality." I love it for the photographs taken and shown at the end of the program... they make it seem so easy and effortless, but after being behind a camera I know otherwise. I have had a dream to make a celebrity magazine that focuses not on fashion, not on scandal, not on lies ... but instead on the good doings of celebs and how they are just like anyone else. Sure, they have more money and sure they are pampered ... but like we get insurance and 401k's, this is a benefit of their career path (however, they have a lot of negatives that come with the job --- like the constant attention ... if some could just realize how to make that a positive!). Anyway .. that's a dream I have.

So, with that and at age 24, I'm at a place where I do not know what do with myself or where to go. I hate my job ... and even though the children are wonderful, I am having a very difficult time with going to work each day. When you work with children, you have to be able to put on a happy face and put aside your emotions. This is very tiring and wears you down quickly. However, children do have a magical way of helping you forget... whether it's a hug (or two million hugs) from Abby or a smile from Zoe, while I'm WITH the children ... things are okay. However, like I said the problem is not the children. The problem is the actual job ... I do not want to assist and I think I should have more control over a room (with the option to set it up, run it, and love it the way I want to do so). The unfortunate part of preschool life and the career behind it -I do not see that happening any time soon. I do not want to direct a program. I do not want to Lead other teachers. I want to be responsible for curriculum and for documentation ... but I do not think that this is a position ... could I create it? Not at this center ...

Now what do I do? I'm stuck ... I need to make more money (and I know money is not happiness - and I do believe in that). But, I have student loans and I did not start collecting these loans to be an assistant teacher at a center for less than 20K a year. I want (and need) to be happy and excited to go to work. I have not felt that feeling ever and I do know that feeling can exsist because I have seen my mom before going to work when she actually liked her job. I have seen Dustin go to work happy and come home happy ... I want that. I want to feel like I am doing what God meant for me to do ... A friend said tonight, pray and listen to God and he will help me find the right direction... He will, and if I only could learn to listen harder so I knew what he was saying or needed from me ...

I wonder what other types of dreams my friends had growing up and what their dreams are now - and if you are an old friend reading this - please share!